It is not difficult to write a perfect book! How? Simply. Just look at these points and your success is guaranteed.
Copying is great
You surely have your favorite scenes from other books that have captivated you. They are great, you are happy to come back to them, maybe you read them every holiday. You, too, would like to have something like that in your book. You can! Just change the names and some details. Feel free to borrow anything you like from other stories. And reach deep, don’t worry. After all, if you copy and slightly edit the scenes from ten different books, no one has a chance to notice. Mix it, shake it, then it’s really safe.
Your characters are your best self
Nobody is perfect. At least in real life. You ruin your shirt with hot coffee, you have an impossible deadline… And in the evening, a car splashes you with dirty, stinky water. Or you’ve forgotten Grandma’s birthday, and now she’s not talking to you. You yelled at your dog… And you found moldy salad in your fridge. You can make it better in your fictional world. You have full power over your characters and you have the power of rewriting.
Your characters always respond correctly. With elegance. And everything always works out for them. Their food will last fresh forever. Because you write it that way!
Readers follow examples. Readers identify with the main characters. And so you have to show them how to lead a successful life. Use everything you don’t like in your book. Of course, adjust it so that the situation is in your favor.
You will feel much better, correct your own failures and mistakes and even write a great book. Improve what can be improved.
But don’t forget humility! Your characters must be aware that they are ordinary. Gray mice that are just lucky. You and the reader will know that this is not the case. That the happiness of the characters is deserved. But humility in the book is also important. The villains must meed a bad end. The world does not need evil.
Only if the bad guy is great. Give him a deep and tragic story. Don’t forget the monologues! Both readers and villains love monologues on five pages. Just don’t forget to let the poor evil soul have some water on page three.
You can also use the bad guy as a target for romance. It must be complicated. And end very romatically. Or at least the evil character should sacrifice for her/his beloved. Evil never, never wins. Your book would be a guaranteed disgrace.
Give it a description
This is often written in old cookbooks, have you noticed? Put there ten eggs or twelve. The same applies to the descriptions. Describe everything and especially in detail. Detail! The reader sees only letters. It is your responsibility and mission to enable him to perceive as much as you see and imagine as you write. You must also describe the fiftieth freckle on the character’s nose. Feel free to use two paragraphs. And again in the next chapter. And even the trees by the river must murmur in the wind in every living room. Taste of food, do I have to emphasize it? Food and fragrances belong to each second page.
And write long sentences to get all the details in your book.
Do not forget the mental state of the characters. This is even more important than the looks! Everything the characters feel must be properly described to the reader. And repeatedly.
Get revenge on real people
Did somebody upset you in the shop today? Remember it well. And let thirty mosquitoes bite him in your book! Is your neighbor, for years and years, stomping and playing music over your head? Each night? Add an infected tick to his mosquitoes.
You can punish your boss in your super book exactly as he deserves for that overtime. Not to mention those appalling classmates from your primary school. They have something to pay for.
In short, writing a book is a great therapeutic activity. Anything and anyone angry who upsets you should end up in your fictional world. And there you can get revenge and the sinners get what they deserve. And you will receive also love of your fans. Nothing will benefit the book more than such real inspiration.
Feelings and feelings
Our world is often so desolate and so lonely. And relationships never last. The reality is so dull .
That must change. Books are designed to lift readers’ mood and allow them to feel what they have never known before.
So start working. The reader will never experience the romance you write. He’ll buy every other great book you publish for that. Your characters must be so beautiful that it takes your breath away. Their love will burn from the pages. Belly fat does not exist in your fictional world, and lovers never argue. And they must be able to read each other’s minds.
Nobody even has a chance to really meet your top agent. All muscle and bright mind. And the end of the world has no chance. And your agent hero will definitely describe all his feelings and action in his great poetry. The reader’s heart will beat in the tremors of fear and relief.
And so on, and so on … The emotional response is the core. This can only be done by pressing it. Always analyze the characters’ feelings in detail. And describe! Everything.
(Just in case: Yes, it’s April 1st, no, don’t do these things)